A beach diary: Florida sea pests and the purple flag of doom

An adorable Portuguese Man-of-War scurries along Hollywood Beach in his quest to ruin Beach Day. Honestly. He looks like he should be carrying a briefcase and wearing a trench. So official.

Portuguese Man o' War - 8

Humans - 0

Beaching in South Florida has been a challenge since mid-March. The Broward County lifeguards have been flying the purple flag - sea pest warning - on a regular basis. The beaches have been littered with Portuguese Man-of-War and swimming can be a risky venture.

....Ditto for beach combing. The man-of-war is purple and puffy, and looks like a deflated balloon, or one of those phallic noodle finger-trap things that always are an option at arcade prize ticket redemption counters. They look like innocent beach treasures, but beware; this souvenir can sting!

The jellies are common this time of year, and I understand the "locals" get a little kick out of all the spring breakers who flock to South Florida to drunkenly hit the beach, only to wind up having to ask someone to pee on their foot (for a reason other than too many shots at the Elbo Room and a series of escalating dares.) Incidentally, urine is not a recommended cure for a jelly sting. That was clearly made up by someone with a very specific fetish or a fervent hatred of tourists - or both.

The Man-of-War invasion has something to do with the direction and velocity of winter winds. When we hit the beach Sunday, it was rainy, but we waded in anyhow. Minutes later, we were booted out for a thunderstorm that never materialized. When the guards replaced the red "No Swimming" flag with yellow ("Swim if you dare, stupid tourist") they added the dreaded purple. Do the jellies come in with the storms, like waves of beautiful, painful ocean debris? Some mysteries are better left unsolved. Or at the most, poked with a stick from a safe distance.

Sunday Supper, Episode 1: Vegetarian citrus stir-fry with cashews and tofu

Stir-fry is a favorite in our house, despite the fact I've been too lazy to season the wok I bought in October. Nine times out ten, I make the same version, with tofu, veggies (pea pods, bell peppers, water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, baby corn), pineapple and bottled sweet and sour sauce. It's delicious, but the packaged sauce is loaded with sugar.

This evening, I decided to forgo the sticky, neon pink sweet and sour and make something from scratch. AllRecipes.com had a delicious-sounding recipe for Citrus Veggie Stir-Fry that I adapted to our tastes, budget and pantry contents. My version is below, but I give full credit to the creator, Dorothy Swanson. It's a very straight-forward meal with most of the labor concentrated in the chopping phases. Timing can be an issue with stir-fry, particularly when it comes to the rice. Ideally, you will finish the rice and stir-fry at the same time, but I have yet to make that happen. It wasn't comfortable to hang around a hot stove on an 80 degree/90 percent humidity Florida night, but the results were well worth sweating it out:



Ingredients:
-1 Tbs. cornstarch
-1 cup orange juice
-2 Tbs. balsamic vinegar
-1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
-1/8 teaspoon sweet chili sauce (instead of hot pepper sauce, which is unnaturally expensive at Whole Foods)
-1 cup thinly sliced carrot (I used the "carrot chips" from Publix)
-1 cup sliced red pepper (leftover from dinner a few nights previous)
-1 cup sliced yellow pepper (Super expensive at Whole Foods. Boo.)
-1 Tbs. extra virgin olive oil (instead of canola, which I seldom use)
-2 cups frozen snow pea pods
-1/2 cup chopped pineapple
-1/2 cup coarsely chopped salted cashews (cheapest option was the bulk nut section at Whole Foods)
-1/2 cup chopped green onion
-2 cups cooked Thai Jasmine Rice
-1 package extra firm tofu

Directions:
Drain the tofu, pat it dry and cut into one-inch squares. Heat the olive oil in a pan (or ideally, a wok) and drop the tofu in, watching for the sizzle. Let it cook on all sides until brown. Mix the first five ingredients together and set aside; or, pour a small amount into the pan with the tofu to start imparting a bit of flavor. Chop all the veggies and the pineapple. Start the rice, according to directions.
Once the tofu is starting to brown, add the carrots and bell peppers and stir(fry) everything together. In about ten minutes, add the pea pods. Cook for an additional 5-6 minutes and add the onions and pineapple, simmer for another five minutes. Add the sauce and bring to a boil, cook an additional 5 minutes.
Remove from heat; serve atop rice and cover with cashews.

Tips:
The important thing is to stir frequently, so that the flavors mesh and everything cooks evenly. That said, give it a little space; you don't want to Mother Hen the mixture to death. This was more tart than my usual stir-fry, and the ginger added a savory edge. It was nice to eat homemade stir-fry without the (sometimes) chemically after-taste of bottled sauce (not that I'm done forever with the neon La Choy variety). This will make enough for four servings; cook extra rice for leftovers.

Recommended pairings:
A chilled white wine (I had Rockbridge County white table wine), fresh fruit (mango, pineapple, banana, strawberry with non-fat, plain yogurt) for dessert and "Manhattan Murder Mystery."
Enjoy.

Travel writing and Trazzler.com

Just discovered Trazzler.com. I don't know what rock I have been hiding under, but this is a wonderful resource for someone who loves travel, writing and would ultimately love to become a travel writer. Perhaps I need to utilize this "Google" thing to search for more useful bits of information than "beyonce halo rhianna umbrella" and "how to wear white pants."*

Lo and behold, the user-generated-content site holds monthly contests in order to find new freelance writers. Each month has a unique theme, and March is "geological anomaly." After giving thought to writing about Blagojevich's hair, I decided to opt for Franz Josef Glacier in New Zealand. I plan to enter a few more in the coming days.

Here is my entry. Please (shameless self promotion alert) feel free to read the (very) brief "trip," recommend it, pass it along, add it to your wishlist, etc. etc. Thousands have entered the contest, making my chances rather slim, sadly. But it is very fun to once again write about travel and a great reminder that my passport is expired and it's been far too long since I've taken an excrutiatingly long flight overseas.

*These are actual searches conducted while I was meant to be scouring the Internets for freelance work. Not useful.

Who is television's most lovable quack?

The medical field is a gold mine for television. Consider the various Doctor genres:
Doctor as God ("E.R.", which is still on. I'm as shocked as you.)
Doctor as whiny, self-possessed ineffectual ("Private Practice" and "Grey's Anatomy")
Doctor as Child ("Doogie Howser")
Doctor as Sociopath ("House")
And so on.

By far, my favorite Doc Genre; Doctor as Source of Comic Gold by way of Secondary Quack Character.

Consider some of the best. And vote for your favorite.

Candidate: Dr. Leo Spaceman of "30 Rock" as brought to life by Chris Parnell of "Saturday Night Live."
Personality traits: Unethical, incompetent, jovial, vengeful, generous with pills.
Medical advice: Science is whatever you want it to be.
Qualifications: Medical degree from Ho Chi Minh City School of Medicine.
Quote: (After dialing 411 in a medical emergency) "Uhh....diabetes repair?"





Candidate: Dr. Nick Riviera of "The Simpsons"
Personality traits: Unethical, incompetent, jovial, non-judgmental.
Medical advice: Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use pop tarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon.
Qualifications: Graduated from Hollywood Upstairs Medical College
Quote: "Hi everybody!"


Candidate: Dr. Fishman on "Arrested Development"
Personality traits: Literal to a fault, terrible at delivering good/bad news.
Medical advice: Avoid blue paint, open windows and loose seals.
Qualifications: Unknown
Quote: "Yes. He's lost his left hand, so he's going to be 'all right'."

Clothing conundrum; How the hell do I wear white pants?

When I was preparing for my Michigan-to-Miami (area) move in January, I insinuated that if I wanted to fit in, I'd need to obtain white pants, blond extensions and augmented breasts. These jesting comments were a conciliatory nod to my stuck-in-Michigan friends; an olive branch of sorts - I acknowledged that, while, yes, I was moving to a much warmer, hipper locale, the new digs would come with some cheesy accompaniments.

Where was I?...ah, yes. The white pants. For all the snarky commentary and Will Smith references made in the past, I have deemed the previously offensive pantaloons to be a necessary evil. If March (save for the last two days) already is sunnier then the standard Michigan July, dark pants are not going to suffice. Add to that, the Museum is kept at a "comfortable" 47 degrees Fahrenheit, making dresses and skirts an equally unappealing option for everyday office wear. Enter the dreaded white pants. Where does this hostility towards this rather benign attire originate?

People's Exhibit #1, minute 2:38:





White pants can theoretically be a chic summer wardrobe staple. Paired with a solid colored top and a great pair of heels, they look super on those willowy, transparent Vogue girls. Then, you snap back to the real world and your reflection in the mirror at the Banana Republic fitting room and you begin to understand that unless you find a better option, you could potentially walk around in public looking like an exhibitionist Gilligan.

Aside from choosing wide-leg, lined styles, how can I make this work? The countdown to the summer meltdown is ticking away. If this mission fails, I'll simply have to stick with skirts and dresses for work, but pick up one of these, probably in blue:

Miami Art Walk: Wynwood Design District

Gold Shoes by Adam Boot (2009). Adam shot this at the Art Walk last night. I think it belongs in a frame and on a wall.

When living in Grand Rapids, I was always fond of the Division Avenue area and the quest to create a thriving hub for artists to live and work and display their art. The Avenue for the Arts concept and events prove it can be a successful model, even in a conservative area, like West Michigan.

It's not fair to compare Grand Rapids to a city the size of Miami, but last night, during my first excursion to the once-a-month art walk in Miami's Wynwood Art District, I couldn't help it. People were out in droves. Trendy young mothers with strollers, tourists, flashy dressed older men and more hipsters than you can shake an ironic mustache at. My friend, K.B., had told me about the event beforehand, saying it's flooded with interested young art fans and serious buyers. If only every city were fortunate enough to have such a strong show of support for new and mid-career artists.

Here is a description of the area, pulled from a gallery guide site:

"Wynwood Art District is the favorite hub of emerging artists, art galleries, project spaces, artists studios, experimental venues, and world class private collections that have turned into modern museums. Margulies, Rubell Family and Scholl Collections are in this District, and they are open to the public on preset seasons. Check their listings in our Museums and Collections section. The second Saturday of each month, galleries and art studios in Wynwood as well as the Design District, are open to art lovers until 10 pm. Wynwood is the only Circuit where walking is an issue, since galleries are far apart from each other, therefore, take your car."

We didn't know the district layout, and thus, missed a lot of the galleries. Because I am new to the scene, I'm not 100 percent on which galleries we visited, but I recall Gallery Diet, Linda Copeland Studio/Gallery, Punk Rock Bourgeoisie, David Castillo Gallery and Lyle O. Reitzel. My favorite was Chelsea Galleria, which had a nice mix of artists and media, including some beautiful black and white images of Paris and Coney Island. I'm a sucker for carnival imagery.

I was less enthralled with the show at Diet, which looked like a collection of manuscripts hung on walls. I'm sure it symbolized something intriguing, but I didn't have the patience to dig through the layers. Another gallery (name?) was showing video art, including some pretty raw sex scenes, shot in night vision, a la Paris Hilton. Thankfully, I saw no mothers steer their strollers through those gallery doors.

One of the galleries had a painting of Philippe Petit (of "Man on Wire"), which instantly caught my eye. Adam made a good point in that the artist seemed overly fixated in making the wire walker's face recognizable, instead of capturing the essence of his faithful act. The final product was too flat to convey the magic of what Petit did on that day. For now, I will stick with the amazing photographs:

People's mode of dress was nearly as intriguing as the art. Miami is a city where anything goes, and the style abounds. This is people watching at its finest. Add to that, DJs, free booze and police that facilitate the process of revelers meandering down the street with glasses of wine, and you've got some wonderful free entertainment. Looking forward to next month's round.

Wynwood District Art Walk. Photo by A.B.

Youthful indiscretion

I got my first tattoo, a silhouette of a slender black cat on my left foot/lower ankle, the day I turned 18.



I originally found the image -seen above - in an ad for the Magic Bag nightclub in an issue of MetroTimes (where I would later intern.) I tore it out and kept it until the day I was legal. Nearly a dozen years later, I still love the image and placement, and feel no regret.

The same cannot be said for my second (and technically third) tattoo; a set of three Chinese characters at the small of my back. The first, "Ocean," was obtained when I was 20. It looked lonely, so I added two more less than a year later ("air" and "earth," respectively. Sheesh.)

Talk about not thinking in terms of longevity. Of all the cliched, boring, cheesy tattoos in the world, Chinese Characters On Small of Back rank just below Barbed Wire On Upper Arm, and slightly above Butterfly On Ankle.

Every preachy, know-it-all ink naysayer was proven correct when several years after the fact, I wished it gone. But, tacky as it was, it never seemed an urgent matter. I lived in Michigan and hit the beach 10 times a summer, tops. Living in a slightly warmer, oceanside community, circumstances have changed and this image, it, vexes me.

But what to choose for the camouflage? Originally, I wanted a tree. But give it three years and trees will be the new Chinese characters, mark my words.

I hope to find a great South Florida artist who can take my foggy idea, and shape it into something more timeless and unique than a trio of characters that when grouped together actually mean something along the lines of "Air Ocean Sheep Ground."

Below are some images that I am toying with.

The work of Charley Harper. I would love to use one of his wildlife images, preferably of a sea creature or a bird. His style is clean and simple, but also technically sound, whimsical and well done. Very aesthetically pleasing.

Art deco. I gravitate toward images of women in long gowns with cigarette lighters and page boy haircuts, turn of the century skyscrapers or foreign travel, but these palms really grabbed my eye.

Back in the saddle

I loathe writing these introductory blog posts.

They stick around for ages; long after it seems cute or novel to have an entry that tries to explain why you should fritter away your valuable company time reading my musings on such important issues as; how did last night's sushi compare to last week's sushi?

Regardless, welcome to my shred of the Internet. When I was with the Grand Rapids Press, I loved keeping a regular blog, The New Black (plug, plug, it's still archived). I've missed it. But I am excited to have full creative control of what I write - even if my audience is considerably smaller (hi mom!).

I hope to, at the very least, keep friends and family updated as to what is happening in my life. Despite ditching my newspaper job for a career in marketing and public relations, writing will always be my passion. This is a small way to stay connected to the old life, without sacrificing my enjoyment of the new .

And.....scene.